If You Could See
by Jayta
Summary: AND IT IS FINISHED! CHAPTER 6 IS UP! I hope you guys enjoy! Pls R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  They belong to NBC.  The lyrics belong to Geoff Moore & the Distance

If You Could See

Chapter One:  I Have Dreamed 

Jing Mei stood looking down at John who knelt on bended knee.  She couldn't breathe

_"Deb will you marry me?"_

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All of my life I have dreamed, 

_That somehow love would find me._

Now I can't believe you're standing here 

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~ flashback~

"John, you're impossible!" Jing Mei laughed, pulling away from the prodding hands.  "Do you really want the last fry that badly?"

Jing Mei couldn't believe that they had been dating for three months now.  The first date happened so fast.  Sometimes Jing Mei wondered if John didn't just ask her because of the turmoil that was his life.

_Because he wanted stability._  Something she could always offer.

"Give me the fry, " John said expectantly.

She shook her head.

Suddenly he switched tactics.  "You'd give me the fry if you really _loved_ me," he countered, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes.

Jing Mei scrunched her nose at the comment.  "You mean, if you loved me, _you_ wouldn't be crawling over me to get a measly MacDonald's French fry?" she pointed out.

John suddenly reappraised the situation.  "You're right," he agreed, pulling himself off the practically horizontal Jing Mei and smoothed out the wrinkles of his button-up shirt.  "I love you and I won't destroy our relationship over a thinly cut piece of processed potato."

Jing Mei had a hard time not bursting out laughing.  "That's very gracious of you John Truman Carter," she admitted as straight-faced as she could.  "But," Jing Mei relented.  "I love you enough to give you _this _ processed potato."  Jing Mei dangled it in front of the mesmerized John.

Jing Mei coyly climbed up on John's lap, straddling his waist and slowly eased the French fry into his waiting mouth.  He smiled crookedly lying back with his hands behind his head, beaming like a boy who'd caught the biggest fish he'd ever seen.  

Jing Mei licked the salt slowly from her fingers.  "Now just what are you grinning at?" she asked, pretending to be mad.

"I've got the most intelligent and beautiful woman at County General eating out of my hand!" he boasted.

John's hands slid around her waist and pulled her down closer to him.  Jing Mei rested her arms above his head and placed small kisses around his salty lips.  "I think it's _you_, that _I've_ got eating out of _my_ hand," she corrected.

Jing Mei extended her legs behind her, finding balance by putting her hands on either side of John until she lay parallel to John.  "Mmmm….Deb, you _may_ be right!" he smiled slyly and placed a warm and deep kiss on her mouth.

"How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" Jing Mei asked breathily, between kisses.

"Not luck, Deb," he corrected this time.  "Just destiny."

She stared into his twinkling brown eyes and Jing Mei knew it was love.

~end of flashback~

_How's this one starting out guys?  R&R_


	2. Eye of the Beholder

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  They belong to NBC.  The lyrics belong to Geoff Moore & the Distance

If You Could See

Chapter Two:  In the Eye of the Beholder 

John waited anxiously on bended knee.  The breeze blew through his hair as he looked up at Deb in the middle of the park.  It had been a 'in the spur of the moment' things that he seemed to do a lot with Deb.  _Beautiful Deb._

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If beauty is all in the eye of the beholder Then I wish you could see, The love for you that lives in me. 

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John knew it had taken the death of his Grams to realize he needed to make a change in his seemingly shallow life.  He'd just finished ending the angst-ridden relationship with Abby two weeks before his Grams' death.

~flashback~

Even as sick as she was, Grams sat him down on her queen-sized bed and made him tell her the whole sordid mess.

"And then after being with me three months," John explained angrily, "she told me that we were going to fast."  He ran his fingers through his wind-blown locks.

"Now John," Grams said soothingly, placing her hand on his.  "Maybe she wasn't ready to be that picture perfect woman of your dreams."

"What are you talking about Grams?" he asked tucking his right leg underneath him.

"John, you've been talking about Abby for months now.  Some days happily and other days you couldn't say her name without blowing up!" she explained tiredly.  "It was easy to tell you were _infatuated_ with her."

"I was _not._  I was in love with her," he said defensively.

"John," she sighed, her eyes weighing tiredly.  "Do you think it should be this hard if it was real love?"

John didn't respond.  He had watched his Grams fall fast asleep trying to figure out the answer.

It was infatuation… 

The words echoed in his head.

***

Staring at the lowering coffin, John stood there motionless.

"John," a voice called through the fog that darkened his thoughts.  "John," it called again.

This time John was jerked back to reality.  To his Grams plot.  To her grave.  R.I.P.

_Rest in peace Grams._

A hand rested upon his shoulder.  As John looked up, his gaze found rows of empty seats.  Everyone had left.  _Everyone was gone._

"John," the voice called again, this time a little more firmly.

"He turned around to find Deb standing in front of him.  At that moment, the rays of the sun were hitting her just right.  She looked like an angel.

"Let's go home John," Deb whispered as she lead him to her car.

***

"So let's go out!" he exclaimed, leaning against Deb's locker door.

"John I'm not going out with you," she sighed, slipping her arm into her jacket sleeve.

"Why not?" he asked playfully.

"Because," she stated, apparently satisfied with that as a _reason._

"Because," he laughed, "is not a reason."

"Yes it is."

"No," he shook his head.  "No it's not.  And you're not leaving till you give me a good reason, or you agree to go out with me."

John took her MEC utility briefcase-like bag.  He watched as she rolled her dark eyes and folded her arms across her chest.  "John, give me my bag."

As she reached for it John held it out of reach.  "Not until you go out with me," he taunted, holding the bag above his head.

"Because…" she paused," Because you're not my type Carter."  Deb reached for her bag, but he pulled it out of reach again.  

"Plausible reason, but I think you still want to go out with me," he teased.

"Are you going to keep my bag until my answer is yes?" she growled.

He thought for a moment, and replied with a smirk.  "Yes."

She prused her lips and narrowed her eyes.  "Then yes," Deb sighed.

"What?" he asked, his hand cupped to his ear.  "What did you say?"

"Yes." I said yes," she laughed.  "I'll go out with you."

Deb rolled her eyes again and sighed exasperatedly.

Deb grabbed her bag, which he had lowered to hear what Deb had said, and headed towards the exit.

"I'll phone you with the details," he yelled.

***

"John it's over," she cried through her apartment door. 

"What do you mean it's over?" he asked incredulously.  "What happened?"

"It's just over," she yelled.

He kicked the apartment door and ran his hands through his hair.  "Deb let me in."

John pressed his forehead against the door.  "Deb, please."

They'd been going out for a couple of months and as he came to pick her up for a movie, John had found the door was locked and Deb wouldn't let him in.

"What's going on?" he yelled.

A neighboring door opened.  "Hey, if you're gonna yell, then get the heck out of here," the grey-haired man in his bathrobe growled.

"I'm sorry," John groaned.  John knocked on the door.  "Can we please just talk about it?"

The neighbor pushed him aside and pounded on the door.  "Either let him in or I'm kickin' his sorry butt out of the apartment!" he ranted.

John suddenly heard a click of the deadbolt and watched as his teary-eyed girlfriend poked her head out the door.  "No Mr. Leiberman," she sniffled.  "We'll stop yelling.  Sorry," she apologized to the grumbling man who dismissed them with a wave.

John walked into the apartment, which had been his home for the most part of the past two weeks.  "What's wrong Jing Mei?  He only called her that when he knew she wanted to be taken seriously.

Deb stood at the kitchen counter staring out the window.  "Nothing.  I just…I just think we're wrong for each other.  Not meant to be," she replied stonily.

He was baffled.  "Are you in the same relationship I am?  I thought we were great.  I mean, I know we've had a couple of fights, but nothing to make me think that we should quit seeing each other."  John paused to gather his thoughts.  "I mean, we were going to the movies tonight and then out of nowhere we're through?"

Deb turned around and wiped the falling tears from her cheek.  "I just don't think we're right for each other.  I've seen the way you've been with Abby and I know that you're just using me to get over her," she said calmly.  "I thought I could fool myself into believing that I could make you forget her, but I know I can't."

His stomach lurched at the accusation.  _All right, at first it might have been to find some stability and comfort.  But in the passing weeks that he'd come to know her…love her._  John was falling for the dark-haired, intelligent, feisty woman.

John walked over to the crumbling Deb.  He wrapped his arms around her.  "Deb," he whispered softly. " Abby and I are over."

"It didn't look like that today in the lounge, when she kissed you," Deb spat as she pushed him away.

"Deb," he paused.  "I'm falling in love _with you._  Not Abby."

Deb stopped in her tracks and slowly turned to look at the silent John.

He couldn't believe he'd just said that.  But John knew that it was true.

"John?" Deb gasped.

"It's the truth Deb."  John walked over to her again and wrapped her tightly in his arms.  "And I don't want to stop this feeling I have right now.  I'm falling in love with you Jing Mei Chen.  How could I help but not fall in love with a beautiful and smart woman like you?"

"Stop John," Deb whispered.  

John smiled at her.

"I must look horrid," she choked out, wiping the tears from her eyes.  Deb tried to pull away from him, but he held her tightly.

"No," John replied.  

He lifted her chin up to meet his gaze.  "You look beautiful to me," he whispered as he gently placed a kiss on her tear-stained lips.

_What do you think?  I hope you guys like it.  I know I seem to be on a kick with lyrics…but I just love this song!_


	3. The Only One For Me

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  They belong to NBC.  The lyrics belong to Geoff Moore & the Distance

If You Could See

Chapter Three:  The Only One for Me 

"John, what are you doing?" she asked hoarsely.

Jing Mei finally managed to bring herself to speak.

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And you would know that you have my heart, If you could see what I see. That a treasure's what you are, If you could see what I see. Created to be the only one for me, If you could see what I see. 

*******************************************

John felt the dampness of the park grass seep into his jeans as he knelt before her.  "Deb, I love you," he blurted out.  "I want you to marry me."

John once again felt his heart pounding against his chest.

_She had to say yes.  She just had to._

» * »

Never before had Jing Mei felt such a cacophony of mixed emotions flooding her mind and heart.  _'Yes!' _ was her first reaction, but something had held her back.

Jing Mei had never felt this way about another person in her life.  She thought she might actually die if John ever left her now.  They had been dating for almost 10 months now.  It had been the longest relationship either one of them had ever sustained.  And each day Jing Mei fell deeper and deeper in love with this man.

_How could she have allowed herself to get so deep, so fast?_

Jing Mei shook her head.  There was a list of reasons she had compiled in her head of why she loved this man.  His eyes, his crooked smile; these were just a few of the reasons.  John loved people, he loved helping them and he tore himself up daily over some of the patients.  There were a hundred more reasons why she loved him and Jing Mei wanted to John all of them.

» * »

John stared at his beautiful and speechless girlfriend.  _Girlfriend.  _He'd never liked the word.  She'd always been his _girl_-friend.  But now, Deb was much more to him.  John hadn't quite prepared to propose to her, but as they walked through the dimly lit park, the stars shining brightly above them, John had an epiphany.

John had been thinking about Deb during the past few weeks, not that he didn't already.  But much more, now that Mark had died.  Their former colleague succumbed to his cancer two weeks earlier.  It had devastated the employees of County General.  John and Deb had managed to get away for the burial.

As he watched Dr. Corday crumble before his eyes, John began to reevaluate how he lived his life.  John realized life was too short to waste precious moments together, of _being_ together.  He wanted Deb to know how _much_ he loved her.

To this night, John still felt Deb had this nagging feeling it was just one of his _hit-and-run_ romances, even after 10 months.

"Deb, say something," he laughed worriedly.  John stood up to look her straight in the eye.   "Or…did I just get my answer?"


	4. A Faithful Love Forever True

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  They belong to NBC.  The lyrics belong to Geoff Moore & the Distance

If You Could See

Chapter Four:  A Faithful Love Forever True 

"No John," Jing Mei cried, shaking her head.  "I…I," Jing Mei couldn't describe the fear she felt.  She was scared of _losing_ him and she was scared of _being_ with him.  _What was she going to do?_

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I know there are days when you feel So much less than ideal, Wondering what I see in you. It's all of the light and grace, Your belief in me drives me to say, That I promise you a faithful love forever true. 

*******************************************

John watched Deb as she began to shut down.  She pulled her hands away, which were entwined in his.  "Deb, don't walk away, please," John said hoarsely.

His stomach was doing flip-flops.  John didn't want to end this conversation like this.  He felt his hand grasp Deb's trembling arm.  "Don't runaway," John demanded.

Deb turned around and faced him.  Her dark eyes were clouded by confusion and fear.  "I can't John…I can't answer you."

The words echoed in his head as his stomach lurched in disbelief at the rejection.

John shook his head and steeled himself against his insecurities and the compounding reasons of why she wouldn't say yes.  "You can't just walk away.  Talk to me _Jing Mei_," he whispered.

He waited anxiously for her next words.  John now truly realized how much he loved her.  The mere idea of rejection would send him spiraling.

» * »

Jing Mei didn't know what to say to the man who'd been her best friend, who _was_ her best friend for a lifetime.  She owed him more than that, more than just walking away.

Jing Mei took a deep breath, which seemed to calm her and even slow down her racing heart.  "John, I don't know what to say…" she admitted truthfully.

John pulled her closer until his arm hung loosely wrapped around her waist.  "Okay.  Don't say anything," he coaxed softly.  "Just don't runaway."

Jing Mei felt the tension in her body melt as John's warm arms tightened around her.  The moonlight illuminated his brown eyes.  She rested her head on his chest as she'd done so many times before.

_Why was she scared?  This was John.  Her best friend.  Her lover._

The passing thoughts seemed to tame all of her instincts to run.  _Now_, even the thought of leaving seemed like a distant memory in the strong arms of the man she loved.

"John, why?" she whispered.  "I know we've grown…_closer, _than I'd ever imagined, but marriage?"

Jing Mei regretted the question as it left her lips.  She knew it was more than _closeness_, and John had professed his love for her many times, but Jing Mei didn't know how to express what she felt for him.  _Habit_.  Jing Mei had kept her feelings for John hidden for such a long time that it didn't seem natural to tell him.  It left her wholly vunerable.  Not to mention the fact that Jing Mei didn't deserve to be loved by a man this much.  Sometimes it drove Jing Mei crazy, but mostly amazed her, how much John believed in her and his knowledge that they belonged together.

John seemed to hesitate.  "Deb, I…I know you're scared," he paused.  "Don't you think I am?  The thought of marriage scares the hell out of me."

Jing Mei felt his arms drop from her waist and watched as one hand ran through his light chestnut brown hair.  "Then why?" Jing Mei asked tentatively.  "I wasn't pushing you to do it.  Hell John, I haven't even managed to tell you that I love you…"

This time it was Jing Mei who turned around the distracted John.  She looked him in the eye searching for a reason, a reason why he wanted to marry her.  Or, maybe, a reason not to.

» * »

As John was turned around and confronted by a pair of dark probing eyes, he felt his throat close.  He unbuttoned his collar.  John was going to lay it out on the line.  He would tell her exactly what he was feeling.

_It was all or nothing._


	5. That A Treasure's What You Are

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  They belong to NBC.  The lyrics belong to Geoff Moore & the Distance

If You Could See

Chapter Five:  That A Treasure's What You Are 

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And you would know that you have my heart, If you could see what I see. That a treasure's what you are, If you could see what I see. Created to be the only one for me, If you could see… 

*******************************************

John had told her on several occasions that he loved her.  Deb had always responded by showing him how much she loved him, but the words never seemed to come.

Tonight's proposal had forced this issue to the forefront of their relationship.  John loved everything about this woman and how easy it was with her.  It wasn't a root canal trying to read her or get to know her.  In fact, John bet he knew Deb far better than she thought he did.

Deb had always been self-sufficient and strong on the surface, but as her best friend and lover, John knew she didn't see what an amazing woman she was.  It was like that with most people.  Somehow, it always took someone on the outside to make you understand how others saw you.

Deb had been his '_someone_'.  She made John see someone worthwhile to talk to and to love.  Deb had made John understand that underneath his Ph.D., money and boyish charm, there was a man worth loving.  Deb made him understand that _that_ was the reason she loved him.  Though she was a woman of few words, at least in matters dealing with her heart, Deb still managed to let John see himself through her eyes.

***

"John, you can still back out.  I mean," she bit her lip, "we could just forget it."

Jing Mei held her breath for his answer.  Part of her wanted him to agree, but part of her didn't know what she would do if John did agree.  The offer hung in the midst of the night's silence.  She tried to read John's thoughts as she gazed into his soft brown eyes.

"Deb," John whispered softly as he caressed her cheek.  "No."

Jing Mei felt relief mixed in with slight anxiety.  _Was she ready for this?_

Jing Mei bit the corner of her mouth.  _Could she say yes?_  She closed her eyes and let her thoughts wash over her.

He doesn't know you!  Not the real you.  You haven't told him how you feel about him.  He's just living with a dream.  You are not the person he's fallen in love with.  How could you be that person?

Jing Mei shook her head.  '_Stop!'_ she screamed inside.

"Deb?" John's voice broke into the compounding insecurities and fears.  "Are you okay?"

Jing Mei peered up at John with tears in her eyes.  "E can't John…"  Jing Mei began to explain why she couldn't marry him, but suddenly he interrupted her.

"If you're about to tell me that I don't _really_ know you and that there's a million reasons why this can't work, let me tell you Dr. Chen you're wrong," John said sternly.

Jing Mei tried to pull away but John only tightened his grip around her waist.  "I _see_ you Deb.  I've always seen you.  Well, okay, maybe not when I was on that Abby kick, but after that…" John joked.  Suddenly his face became serious again.  "Do you really think I could tell you I love you without _really seeing you?_"

Jing Mei swallowed hard.  "I…I don't know John."

This time as she pulled away from John, he released his hold on her.  "I love you because you really see me Deb.  You know me."  John took a breath and continued.  "Everyone tried to put me in some sort of mold or cast me in a certain role that they thought I should play.  You let me be who I was.  You dug beneath all the people I was playing and found _me._"

Jing mei closed her eyes and listened to his soft urgent voice, pleading for her to believe she was someone who deserved him.  "John, I didn't…I _wasn't_ the one who did those things," she argued.  "I wasn't all of those things to you.  How could I be?"

Suddenly Jing Mei felt herself being turned around.  "Deb," John looked at seriously, "I couldn't see myself anymore.  Underneath the recovering drug addict, the rich boy, the guy who couldn't keep a relationship going if his life depended on it.  Now I can see myself through your eyes, the real me.  Now I'm telling you, you are the one who can't see herself."

Jing Mei pulled against the grasp John had on her, not hard, but resisting the flood of words flowing through her head.

"You are the most patient, kind and gentle person I know.  You are _also_ stubborn, and pig-headed."

Jing Mei raised one eyebrow at the last comment.  "Is that supposed to _convince_ me I should marry you?" Jing Mei asked incredulously.

"No Deb," John shook his head realizing how he must have sounded.  "I mean, you are stubborn when it comes to seeing yourself.  I told you, or anyone else told you, that any man would be lucky to have you, you'd shrug it off."

Jing Mei listened tentatively, "So?" she replied defiantly.

"But you wouldn't believe them would you?  Just like you don't believe that I could love you, the real you." John's eyebrow rose to make his point.

"No," Jing Mei said slowly.  "I mean you don't understand John.  I don't think you really know me.  I'm not all those things you've described, except maybe the stubborn part." Jing Mei sighed.  Then trying to lighten the mood she added, "I refuse to be called pig-headed."

John grinned and shook his head.  "You can refuse, but you're still pig-headed," he laughed.  "But that is not the point."

Jing Mei smiled faintly and hit him playfully on the chest.  "Then _what_ is?"

Jing Mei crossed her arms across her chest and tapped her index finger on her forearm.  "John, I'm not perfect, not even close.  And I'm not this woman that all men lust after and chase."

John nodded slightly, reaching out to grasp her arm.  He led her a little ways down the park to an opening where a large water fountain was lit by floodlights within the fountain.  It glowed in the night sky.

Jing Mei sat down when John motioned to the edge of the fountain.  "I know you're not perfect and I know you're not _every_ man's dream girl," John admitted hesitantly, "although I think they're just insane!"

Jing Mei shook her head in amusement.  "Keep talking John, you're on a role here," Jing Mei sighed, exhausted.

"But," John paused, "You're mine, so it doesn't matter."

Jing Mei found herself holding her breath again.  She let a breath out and tilted her head back to look at the night sky.

"Deb don't fight it.  Stop being so scared.  I thank God every night for bringing you into my life."

Jing Mei smirked and finally found her voice.  "You don't believe in God John."

He winked at her.  "You do have that affect on me.  I'm doing and saying things I never dreamt I would be able to say."

"Oh John," Jing Mei sighed, catching her breath.  Jing Mei put her hand to her mouth and let the tears slide down her cheek.  Leaning forward their heads touched as they peered into each other's eyes.  "How can you love me so much?"

"It's _easy_," John whispered.  "So _very_ easy."

Jing Mei closed her eyes as his warm lips touched her forehead in a lingering kiss.

_You guys like?  How do you think it's coming?  I don't know if I'm doing justice to the song though.  Pls R&R!_


	6. I Am Beholding True Beauty

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  They belong to NBC.  The lyrics belong to Geoff Moore & the Distance

If You Could See

Chapter Six:  I Am Beholding True Beauty 

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If you could see what I see, If you could see what I see. You're created to be the perfect one for me. If you could see what I see. 

*******************************************

John was feeling as hopeful as he had all night.  He knew that she was finally believing, finally seeing, what he was telling her all along was true.

_Deb was the perfect one for him._

***

"John, you make it possible for all of those _things_ to be in me.  All of the love you see in my heart is because of all the love you have given me," Jing Mei explained.  "I could never be the person I am without you.  You make me the best person I can be."

John wiped the tears from her cheeks, cupping her face with his hands, he touched her forehead with his; his eyes never leaving hers.  "And you are all of that for me."

There was a truthful silence that seemed to settle between them.  Finally Jing Mei broke the silence.  "Yes," Jing Mei stated, looking down at her hands.

John's heart skipped a beat.  "Yes?" he asked uncertainly.

Jing Mei's heart was racing.  "Yes," she said again, this time looking into his searching eyes.

John repeated again, "Yes?" as if in a trance.

"Yes," Jing Mei shook her head laughing.  "Snap out of it John.  If you say '_yes'_ one more time, I'm libel to say no!"

John shook his head and let out a shout.  "YES!" he screamed as he picked her up, wrapped his arms around her waist and swung her around.

Jing Mei was surprised as she clung to John's neck as he swung her around.  He finally set her down as she kissed him deeply and passionately.

"You know I should say no," Jing Mei said playfully, as she pulled out of the warming kiss.  "You _did_ say '_yes_' again."

I don't think so Ms. Chen," John smiled coyly. "We sealed it with a kiss."

"_But_," Jing Mei said hesitantly.  "Before I truly accept…"

John shook his head.  "No but's!"

Jing Mei touched his lips with her hand.  "Just let me say this," she argued softly.

John closed his mouth.

"I can't marry you until I tell you something," Jing Mei explained.

John took her hand and shook his head.  "You don't have to say anything.  You've said everything already," he protested.

Jing Mei interrupted him.  "I love you," Jing Mei whispered softly.

*******************************************

If beauty is all in the eye of the beholder, 

_Then I am beholding true beauty.___

*******************************************

John had never felt so much joy and happiness in his life from three words.  He felt like he was going to burst.  Staring at his _soon-to-be­ wife_, John never thought she could be anymore beautiful than she already was, but yet again he was wrong.  "_You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known_." John smiled.

***

"John," Jing Mei smiled.  "Ask me again."  
  


John sat Jing Mei down on the edge of the water fountain.  As he looked at her, John realized the sun was just rising.  It was the dawn of a new day, a new beginning.

"_Jing Mei Chen, will you marry me_?" John asked grasping her trembling hand as he kneeled before her.

Jing Mei looked at this wonderful man through tear-filled eyes.  Cupping his face, she answered him.  "_Yes John. _I will marry you."  Jing Mei said breathlessly.

John rose from his knee and pulled Jing Mei up with him.  He caressed her cheek and brought his warm lips onto hers.

As the kiss ended, each gazed into each other's eyes.  "I love you," they both said in unison.

They both laughed as their fingers entwined in each other's.  They walked home, both finally seeing each other plainly now, as in the _light of a new day_.

THE END

I hope you guys enjoyed this story.  Pls R&R!


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